Seriously. You'd think Trixie would have pulled Speed aside at some point to give him some pointers about his wardrobe. Or Pops would have bashed him upside his head and told him to buy a freaking clue.
Hell, even Racer X should have come out of the long-lost-brother-closet and told Speed to man up, because he was driving the flipping MACH 5, for the love of all that is holy.
And then, there it is, in all it's lean, mean, sexy badass glory: A blur of Corvette, making the driving world a more beautiful place for a second before it zings past, lost in a thicket of SUVs and stupid, doppy-looking hybrids that give me a headache with their buzzy, whiny little engines.
Now, I ask you....
And it's just like anybody who sees a girl getting starry-eyed at the sight of a beautiful sculpture on performance tires assuming she's a gold-digging slutbag, judging a man (and his wallet) by his car.
- I think Vettes are beautiful. Why? Because I'm a firm believer in lines. I think cars should have edginess, literally and figuratively. Vettes are aesthetically pleasing to me.
- I have no idea what is going on under the hood of any car. I know engines make loud noises, and some engines make really awesome loud noises. Those are the engines I want to hang around. I just don't want to tinker with them.
- I like Mustangs because I think they just really wear racing stripes well. Also, I might have a better shot at owning one of them than the other cars I like.
- I do not have gold-digger thoughts when I see a car that makes my brain go ping. Frankly, I see a guy in debt up to his ears, if I ever bother to lay my eyes on Mr. Driver.
- I may develop a crush on your car, but I can guarantee you that won't get you down my pants. Buying me a cheeseburger is probably a safer bet. With fries, dammit.
- Cars don't actually turn me on. Once or twice in my glory days, I may have given up a base or two in an IROC-Z, but I can assure you it only added to my contempt for Camaros, and also, I saw a TLC show that featured people who are sexually attracted to cars. And that crap is WEIRD, people.
- My love of muscle cars has nothing to do with 'trying to snag a guy' (This was the wording of a total moron, not me. Even thought I may be a moron at times.) I have three older brothers. I grew up on the Dukes of Hazzard, and learned early on to be in tune to Chargers, Chevelles, and Firebirds. The same way I learned that Kiss and Queen are music gods. Adoration and respect via juvenile osmosis, dig?
- You shouldn't worry about car fetish. It's really harmless, unless someone takes offense to me drooling on the hood of their 'Cuda and bashes me upside the head. There's not much more to it than that.
- Gone In 60 Seconds is a frigging awesome movie