But I gotta quit. I gotta gotta gotta. Right? Right?????? Right. I guess.
I went to Target today to peruse the smoking cessation crap. Pardon my bitterness. I can't pretend to have any good will toward any product designed for removing the love of my life from my, err, life. There are five million variations of gum that seem shudder-worthy, because it isn't all gummy and bubble-blowing goodness. You apparently have to bite down, let it tingle, smack it against your cheek, then switch sides. Then bite and repeat. Kinda defeats the purpose of gum. And I'm pretty sure they'd taste like shit. They just look shitty. Like Chiclets. Sure, Chiclets seem like a great idea, but two chomps and it tastes like you're sucking on bark.
Personally, I'm a Big League Chew kind of girl. Shredded grape awesomeness. Also, I'm one of those freaks who like to eat their gum, and I suspect if I swallowed Nicorette, or one of it's fifty million brand variations, I'd end up at the hospital getting my stomach pumped.
So I bought patches.
And while we're on the subject of stop-smoking products, I'd like to point out that I think it's totally exploitative of them to charge what they do for this crap. Seriously, if you're intent on making it a safer life for our lungs, perhaps you might consider making this stuff more accessible to people. I don't pay a fraction of what it's going to cost to stop smoking on cigarettes right now. And the packaging? Oh so convenient. You have to keep buying this stuff to continue each step because they refuse to package in a manner that encompasses all of each stage. It's a bloody rip off. I might just fire off an angry letter.
Also, I rarely get carded for cigarettes now. But I had my license inspected and nearly put through the bite test before I could purchase it. Hello? Guys? Don't you think you should encourage the purchase of this stuff? Who cares if the person is underage, if they're trying to QUIT smoking, you should say, "Hey, kid. Go nuts. Buy all the Nicorette you want." What, can you freebase a patch now? Make crystal meth out of it? Oy.
Since I'm all about the oral fixation (get your minds out of the gutter you freaks) I also bought mini Tootsie Pops.
I guess I should remind myself why I'm quitting. Want the list?
- Stinky. It stinks to smoke. I want my hair to smell like Redken, not Eau de Paper Mill.
- I have a smoker's cough. I rarely impress men with my phlegm.
- Gracie the car has yellow windows. I hate washing her out and having to remove tar from her surfaces.
- Oh yeah. I probably want to live past 70. That might be a reason.
- I want to lay off the Pepsi and retain the slightly smaller frame I've achieved, and my constant ingesting of Pepsi tends to go hand in hand with the ciggies. I can't smoke a cigarette without some kind of liquid. So if the ciggies go, the Pepsi will follow. Or at least get down-sized.
- I need to try to get in shape, and walking while wheezing because I have fumes in my lungs doesn't work
- I need money so I can move to SC. And if I quit, there's an extra 35 bucks in the coffers each week.
Hmm. I expected a higher number than that. Damn. It would have more impact if I was saving 10 grand a year. Oh well. I still need that little bit of money. *sigh* I'm gonna miss my ciggies. We had some good times.
Pardon me while I go smoke my last cigarette before bed. And cry. And maybe smoke a second cigarette.