Because that horse isn't dead, and I need to beat the poor sucker a little more before it finally passes onto that derby track in the sky-I've noticed that pretty much every single dating profile proclaims this to be true about each Romeo and every Juliet out there looking for love in all the wrong cyber places:
Dear Every Man On Every Single Blasted Dating Website Known to Mankind:
Don’t worry. This isn’t a diatribe about the inherent unseemliness of dating websites. I’m not here to judge your desire to find a mate, be it an illicit weekend fling or a forever partner. I get that life is so hectic nowadays that it’s easy to sign up for a dating website. You can reach out even while you’re plugging away at yet another ten hour shift at the workplace from hell. Take a pic, share some thoughts about your hopes, your dreams, the lovely lady you hope to meet to accompany you on this life journey—it’s cool, daddio. I’m in the same boat.
I get it.
I also get being a little unsure of how to handle the experience. Maybe you’re a lousy speller. Perhaps you express yourself better vocally than you do in print. Who knows what really works when it comes to the nefarious profile and the heart-stopping first email you send to a gal?
Can I give you some tips on how to make a good impression on us womenfolk? It sure seems like a lot of you are really, really, really, really struggling with the concept. Having tiptoed into the dating minefield again, I have a sneaking suspicion I speak for a lot of women when I say…Dudes. Come on. You can do better. Here’s how to handle opening the lines of communications with a woman who is also online in hopes of finding a love match: