When I order a PLAIN HAMBURGER, the following offerings would not be correct:
- Cheeseburger with pickles
- Cheeseburger with pickles, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, mayonnaise, ketchup, and mustard
- Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun
- Chicken sandwich
- Baked potato
When I order a sweet tea, light on the ice, doubling up on the ice does not create a satisfied customer.
When I order french fries, I prefer the fries cooked.
When I order a hot fudge sundae with nuts and you produce a chocolate milkshake, you're going to hear about my discontent.
KFC-I promise you, I can tell the difference between Extra Tasty Crispy and Baked. I'm that good. Also, I can tell the difference between pot pie and hot wings. It's a gift.
(Important disclaimer: I don't actually eat a lot of fast food. Once a month I go somewhere to feed my need for artery-clogging garbage, and can never catch a break. I haven't had a correct order since 1998.)
- When turning left, it would behoove you to use your left turn signal, not your right.
- When driving in a straight line for fifty miles, it is considered polite to avoid keeping your blinkers blazing for that entire fifty mile stretch.
- You really can't just drift into a lane when someone is occupying the spot you're aiming for. I don't care how slow you do it, it's still going to leave a dent.
- When a traffic signal has been red for ten to fifteen seconds before you barrel through the intersection, you really do NOT have the right to honk and flip your middle finger at people who are on the green traffic signal side of the intersection.
- You do realize that your windows aren't tinted, right? We can totally see you picking your nose.
- Perhaps you should put that newspaper/book/cellphone/ipod/mascara/BLT down while your vehicle is moving at 80 miles per hour. Just a suggestion.
- That double yellow line down the middle of the road? It's not a track on which to center your vehicle. You're supposed to actually stay on one side of it.
- If both tires on one side of your car have hopped the curb and are making tracks in grass as you go around that corner, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
- That's a handicapped parking spot, not a grocery cart collection site, you mental feeb.
- If you regularly park in NO PARKING: FIRE ZONE areas, I hope your house catches fire and somebody blocks the nearest fire hydrant with their illegally parked vehicle. Karma, baby. It's there for a reason.
- At some point, you're going to have to suck it up and talk to your customers.
- Mumbling doesn't qualify as talking.
- If you're going to pick up my magazine and read through it before you ring it up, I expect a contribution toward the cost.
- Salem and Marlboro sound nothing alike.
- I know what twenty seven cents looks like, and that one dime and one penny you just handed me aren't it.
- Don't take it out on me because you're forty seven years old and managing a dollar store. It's a freaking job. Be happy you have it in this economy and DO YOUR JOB. Better yet, quit. I'll take your job and do it better.
- Is it really that draining to pick up that one item I just purchased and slide it all the way in the shopping bag? Seriously. It's a book. I think your delicate wrists can handle the payload.
- Perhaps you should limit the number of times you say fuck in one sentence while on the clock. Hey, I cuss like a sailor, but I curbed it when I was working. It's called self-control.
Okay, so that's all I've got this moment. Feel free to add to the list, though. I love commiserating with others' contempt for humanity!